I never intended to do this. If I would have had a dart and a blindfold, I don’t think I would have hit this on a wall across the room.
I am referring to my profession. My daily grind. My 9 to 5. My job.
I am a network engineer by trade. I work with people who have degrees in computer science and electrical engineering. For the most part they seem happy with what they do, and look forward to the next challenge that might arise.
I on the other hand…hmmmm, let’s take a look at that hand. Shall we?
I watched the first men walk on the moon. I was 6 at the time, and fairly intelligent for my age. I pretty much taught myself to read using the news paper when I was 4. I used to take my writing and grammar school books and teach myself the lessons for the next grade up which were listed in the back as a preview.
I missed most of the fifth grade due to illness, but remained a straight A student through the middle of my 7th grade year. I had always planned on something in science or engineering, because that is what astronauts did. I wanted to go to the moon or Mars or some other place out in the solar system.
These are normal dreams for a child. Along with fireman or baseball player or butterfly catcher (my son’s choice when he was 5 or 6). But we all grow up, right?
When I was in the 7th grade I hit puberty. I became rebellious and decided that I didn’t want anything to do with normal society. Those people were sick conformist geeks. I would not get in line and Become One of the SILENT MASSES!!!
Sorry about that. Where was I?
One day I heard a song by the Beatles. It was the song Help! from their 1965 movie of the same name. I was immediately obsessed with becoming a musician. I wanted to play bass and sing in a rock band. I mowed lawns, did odd jobs for the neighbors, I even baby sat for some friends. All of this to save up and buy my first guitar.
Within three months of buying my first guitar I knew enough chords to join a band and play my first gig. I was the rhythm guitar player and singer. I stopped singing when my voice changed. I became a lead guitarist (never got to be a bass player), and joined a few bands who wrote their own music and preformed.
Like children, even adults have dreams that never come true.
While living in Seattle in the early 90’s and hoping to break in to music at the birth of the grunge scene, I took a job as a computer operator. Actually it was given to me by a friend. But she knows, and I know, that I never should have been hired for that job. I had no experience what-so-ever. I learned everything from scratch. I did end of being pretty good at it, but it was never what I wanted to do.
As I have gotten older I have gone back to my childhood dreams of science and engineering. I would love to have a degree in theoretical physics. But that dream is almost as difficult as the dream of being in music. I am so busy working as a network engineer that I have little to no time to attend school.
I actually dropped out of high school when I was 18. I earned my GED with a B+ average while in the marines. I even took the SATs for a possible run for the Marine enlisted officer program. I had chosen to go to college at the University of Michigan for aerospace engineering, but my eyes weren’t good enough to fly jets. So, like an idiot I dropped the whole process.
So, with no real high school education, no college degree, and no formal training, I design and test computer networks for a variety of clients. I make as much as my peers (finally), and am tasked with the same responsibilities. But I am not happy. I feel trapped in a never ending loop of design this, write about this, fix this.
I know for a fact that any other job I did would follow exactly the same process or loop. But it would be something that I chose. Something that I had an actual interest in. Right now I am just waiting to get old so that I can stop doing what I am doing and not have to worry about it anymore.
Go ahead, berate me and tell me how good I have it. I have heard it all before.
If life is what you make of it, I have made a mess of mine.
-P
Friday, May 16, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Motorcycles and Memories
I recently took a weekend trip to my mother’s house on the outer banks of NC. What made this trip unique was that I rode my motorcycle down.
I have been riding for about 2 years. Not a lot, and not as much as I would like, but I try to get out when the weather is good and I have some time to relax. Due to the increase in gas prices, I have started riding to work now. I drive about 100 miles a day round trip, and it is really helping to bring down the cost of my commute.
But back to the trip…
It is generally a 6 hour trip from my home to my mom’s. I rode into work on Friday morning, (about an hour), and then left from work to head on down, (about another 5 hours). I did have my doubts about the trip. Was I going to be able to ride a bike that far, would I get run over by a truck, would it rain on me…stuff like that.
Even though I have been riding for a couple of years, I still lacked confidence on the bike. I took the riding classes and all, so I am up on the basics. But I am still a newby. The last time I had ridden a motorcycle, (before buying the one I have now), was in Mexico in 1981.
I was 18 years old and some friends at the Holiday Inn in Puerto Vallarta had a little beater tucked in a closet. The chain was hanging off of it and no one knew how to fix or ride it. Truth be known, neither did I. But I convinced them to let me fix it and ride it around town.
I got it running. But I had no idea what I was doing. No helmet. I never got it out of first gear, (maybe second). But I would run up and down the cobblestone streets of the town with the motor just a whining. Every now and then I would end up at the bottom of a hill and I would be forced to push the bike up the hill because of the weak engine and my lack of experience. I even carried a few tools with me to repair the chain when it fell off, (every day).
So here I am now, 45 years old, and running down I-95 on a 700 lbs motorcycle at between 75 and 80 miles an hour. Either I am a complete idiot, or I have to stand on this bike because of the size of my balls. Actually, I am an idiot. But I love riding that bike.
After the ride to NC, (no rain, no run ins with trucks, and only minor cramping), I now have an acceptable amount of confidence. I feel more certain as to what to do in different situations. So I am thinking of selling the car, getting some rain and cold weather gear, and riding the bike all the time. Hell, I’m not rich, and $4 - $5 per gallon gas is not going to suddenly fit into my budget.
I have decided that the only car with acceptable gas mileage, it the car that is paid off. So I think I will be riding the bike for awhile. There may even be a trip down to Florida in my future…we shall see.
-P
Thursday, May 1, 2008
Meme...Me?
Someone seems to think that I don't post enough. So guess what happened to me.
I guess this is a blog thing, because I have never heard of it before. It is called a meme, or is that supposed to be a me-me, and you are supposed to answer everything with one word.
I am not fond of things that probe you for personal information. I don’t have anything to hide, but I tend to be a private person. That being said, I have a tendency to whine uncontrollably when prompted. (you have been warned) Maybe that is why my wife sent me something that requires one word answers.
Here goes…enjoy.
1. Where is your mobile phone? connection
2. Your significant other? home
3. Your hair? long
4. Your mother? drama
5. Your father? memory
6. Your favorite thing? future
7. Your dream last night? nothing
8. Your favorite drink? scotch
9. Your dream/goal? education
10. The room you’re in? cage
11. Your ex? who?
12. Your fear? money
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? moon
14. Where were you last night? billiards
15. What you’re not? sane
16. Muffins? coffee?
17. One of your wish list items? flying
18. Where you grew up? everywhere
19. The last thing you did? sigh
20. What are you wearing? jeans
21. Your TV? information
22. Your pets? spoiled
23. Your computer? slow
24. Your life? lacking
25. Your mood? lost
26. Missing someone? reload
27. Your car? thirsty
28. Something you’re not wearing? gauntlets
29. Favorite Store? Borders
30. Your summer? hopeful
31. Like someone? nope
32. Your favorite color? green
33. When is the last time you laughed? Sunday
34. Last time you cried? Leo
-P
I guess this is a blog thing, because I have never heard of it before. It is called a meme, or is that supposed to be a me-me, and you are supposed to answer everything with one word.
I am not fond of things that probe you for personal information. I don’t have anything to hide, but I tend to be a private person. That being said, I have a tendency to whine uncontrollably when prompted. (you have been warned) Maybe that is why my wife sent me something that requires one word answers.
Here goes…enjoy.
1. Where is your mobile phone? connection
2. Your significant other? home
3. Your hair? long
4. Your mother? drama
5. Your father? memory
6. Your favorite thing? future
7. Your dream last night? nothing
8. Your favorite drink? scotch
9. Your dream/goal? education
10. The room you’re in? cage
11. Your ex? who?
12. Your fear? money
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? moon
14. Where were you last night? billiards
15. What you’re not? sane
16. Muffins? coffee?
17. One of your wish list items? flying
18. Where you grew up? everywhere
19. The last thing you did? sigh
20. What are you wearing? jeans
21. Your TV? information
22. Your pets? spoiled
23. Your computer? slow
24. Your life? lacking
25. Your mood? lost
26. Missing someone? reload
27. Your car? thirsty
28. Something you’re not wearing? gauntlets
29. Favorite Store? Borders
30. Your summer? hopeful
31. Like someone? nope
32. Your favorite color? green
33. When is the last time you laughed? Sunday
34. Last time you cried? Leo
-P
Monday, April 7, 2008
A sphincter says what?
I do not hang out here everyday, (obviously).
So I was very surprised to log on today and see a comment on a post that I made almost four weeks ago. My first thought was that someone came over from my wife’s blog,
http://gettheetoapoet.blogspot.com
and read what I had written about my pets. This couldn’t have been further from the truth.
The fact of the matter is that someone had written a comment about my wife on my blog. What an act of cowardice. Apparently this person, who shall remain nameless, had made some comments on someone else’s blog about a mental illness. Quite a few people blog about issues with their own health or a member of their family, and it is not an easy thing for any of them to do. This nameless person, who just so happens to be a mental healthcare nurse, made some poorly, worded comments.
After coming to the defense of the owner of this blog, my wife became the target of this woman. Target may be a harsh word, as it would imply that my wife was the center of her disdain. Apparently this woman harasses anyone who doesn’t agree with her. Her blog talks about:
What a great person she is
How she helps people
How much smarter she is then anyone who actually lives with a person with mental illness
How much money she makes helping people
What is going on with troublesome patients
How her husband slept with someone else and left her
Her weight
Co-workers who don’t like her and what she would like to do to them
(I had to make these bullet points because there were so many of them in just the three posts I read)
My blog post concerned my dog farting. Not the most glamorous of happenstances, but a life occurrence none the less. This woman decided to comment about my dog’s gas issues by saying that my wife was a baby machine and a writer wannabe. A simple question about published works would have been answered with the names of the books that my wife has written. But instead of an inquiry, my blog was littered with a comment about my wife being a baby machine, (2 kids does not make you a baby machine, it just means that you are getting laid by your HUSBAND).
Now, my wife has quite a few friends in blogland, and I am sure they would not be happy with any of the comments by this woman. But as I have said, this woman will remain nameless, and any future comments by her with be deleted. She does not deserve the attention that she would receive from anyone going to her blog and commenting on her posts. Of course, self absorbed people always find a way to make themselves known. And anyone that knows who I am talking about or has run into this woman before will know exactly who and what I am talking about.
Happy blogging everyone…P
P.S. – I would like to say hi to this woman if she drops by and reads this post…HI!!!!!
So I was very surprised to log on today and see a comment on a post that I made almost four weeks ago. My first thought was that someone came over from my wife’s blog,
http://gettheetoapoet.blogspot.com
and read what I had written about my pets. This couldn’t have been further from the truth.
The fact of the matter is that someone had written a comment about my wife on my blog. What an act of cowardice. Apparently this person, who shall remain nameless, had made some comments on someone else’s blog about a mental illness. Quite a few people blog about issues with their own health or a member of their family, and it is not an easy thing for any of them to do. This nameless person, who just so happens to be a mental healthcare nurse, made some poorly, worded comments.
After coming to the defense of the owner of this blog, my wife became the target of this woman. Target may be a harsh word, as it would imply that my wife was the center of her disdain. Apparently this woman harasses anyone who doesn’t agree with her. Her blog talks about:
What a great person she is
How she helps people
How much smarter she is then anyone who actually lives with a person with mental illness
How much money she makes helping people
What is going on with troublesome patients
How her husband slept with someone else and left her
Her weight
Co-workers who don’t like her and what she would like to do to them
(I had to make these bullet points because there were so many of them in just the three posts I read)
My blog post concerned my dog farting. Not the most glamorous of happenstances, but a life occurrence none the less. This woman decided to comment about my dog’s gas issues by saying that my wife was a baby machine and a writer wannabe. A simple question about published works would have been answered with the names of the books that my wife has written. But instead of an inquiry, my blog was littered with a comment about my wife being a baby machine, (2 kids does not make you a baby machine, it just means that you are getting laid by your HUSBAND).
Now, my wife has quite a few friends in blogland, and I am sure they would not be happy with any of the comments by this woman. But as I have said, this woman will remain nameless, and any future comments by her with be deleted. She does not deserve the attention that she would receive from anyone going to her blog and commenting on her posts. Of course, self absorbed people always find a way to make themselves known. And anyone that knows who I am talking about or has run into this woman before will know exactly who and what I am talking about.
Happy blogging everyone…P
P.S. – I would like to say hi to this woman if she drops by and reads this post…HI!!!!!
Friday, March 14, 2008
Animals are awesome!!!
I had to put this up.
If any of you have ever been around an English bulldog then you probably know the two most obvious things about them.
1. They are great, lovable dogs
2. They create gas to rival a herd of cattle
My wife was just sitting in the recliner with Bodhi, our 8 month old bulldog puppy, and Gizmo, our daughters cat. Both the dog and the cat were napping. Bodhi cut an SBD (Silent But Deadly) that threatened to take the paint off the walls.
The cat woke up and looked around. She looked very concerned about the air quality in the room, but couldn't figure out what was going on. In a last ditch effort to determine the source of the methane, she lifted her own leg and sniffed her own ass. After confirming that she was not the originator, she looked at the dog and jumped off the chair.
We all laughed so hard we woke the poor dog up. He doesn't know the power he wields.
-P
Ok, this was depressing
I found this on my wife's blog and decided to fill it out. My normal impulse is to stay away from things that cause me to explore myself or give any insite into myself. I should stick to those impulses.
I don't really think I am that deep of a person, so scratching the surface usually just shows the other side. But, in the interest of fairness, I will post my answers. Maybe some armchair psychiatrist out there can get their Phd figuring me out...lol
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Enjoying the view from the beach in those Corona commercials
What is your greatest fear?
Having anything wrong with my heart. I would rather have cancer then a heart problem.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Galileo
Which living person do you most admire?
The Dalai Lama
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Procrastination
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Intolerance
What is your greatest extravagance?
Flying, it is very expensive to rent a plane and pay for fuel.
What is your favorite journey?
Anything over water
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Virtues are defined by culture. I guess I would have to answer for the Western and/or Christian virtues because of my upbringing. For the Western virtue I would pick Temperance and for the Christian virtue I would choose Faith.
On what occasion do you lie?
To avoid hurting anyone or causing conflict
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My high forehead
Which living person do you most despise?
Karl Rove
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“You’ll have that”, I don’t like the person I learned it from.
What is your greatest regret?
Not finishing school
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I have to say my wife, (or else this will be my last post…lol)
Which talent would you most like to have?
I would like to be better at math
What is your current state of mind?
Confusion
If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
One thing would change nothing, so it is a moot point.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I have one patent approved and a few more on the way
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
This one is very karmic, I don’t know if we get to choose, and I don’t know whether I would move up or down the ladder
If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
A sea turtle
What is your most treasured possession?
My sanity (it is also my smallest possession…lol)
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Going to work every day doing something you take no pleasure in or feel no sense of accomplishment from.
Where would you like to live?
The moon or some other celestial body with no atmosphere
What is your favorite occupation?
Physicist or aerospace engineer
What is your most marked characteristic?
My cynicism
What are the qualities you most like in a man?
Intelligence
What are the qualities you most like in a woman?
Intelligence
What do you most value in your friends?
Tolerance
Who are your favorite writers?
Alastair Reynolds, Asimov, Mary Stewart, Marion Zimmer Bradley
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
It is a toss up between Conner Mcleod (Highlander) or Qui-Gon Jinn (Star Wars Ep I)
Who are your heroes in real life?
Neil Armstrong, Ferdinand Magellan, Albert Einstein, Richard Feynman
What are your favorite names?
Constance, Sarah, Conner
What is it that you most dislike?
Dishonesty
How would you like to die?
The truth? I would like to be in a spaceship, somewhere between the stars. When I know the time is right, I program the life support systems to slowly lower the temperature to just above freezing. That way I pass into sleep, and I am there for anyone to find in the future.
What is your motto?
I should have made a left turn in Albakerky
I don't really think I am that deep of a person, so scratching the surface usually just shows the other side. But, in the interest of fairness, I will post my answers. Maybe some armchair psychiatrist out there can get their Phd figuring me out...lol
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Enjoying the view from the beach in those Corona commercials
What is your greatest fear?
Having anything wrong with my heart. I would rather have cancer then a heart problem.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Galileo
Which living person do you most admire?
The Dalai Lama
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Procrastination
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Intolerance
What is your greatest extravagance?
Flying, it is very expensive to rent a plane and pay for fuel.
What is your favorite journey?
Anything over water
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Virtues are defined by culture. I guess I would have to answer for the Western and/or Christian virtues because of my upbringing. For the Western virtue I would pick Temperance and for the Christian virtue I would choose Faith.
On what occasion do you lie?
To avoid hurting anyone or causing conflict
What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My high forehead
Which living person do you most despise?
Karl Rove
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
“You’ll have that”, I don’t like the person I learned it from.
What is your greatest regret?
Not finishing school
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I have to say my wife, (or else this will be my last post…lol)
Which talent would you most like to have?
I would like to be better at math
What is your current state of mind?
Confusion
If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
One thing would change nothing, so it is a moot point.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I have one patent approved and a few more on the way
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
This one is very karmic, I don’t know if we get to choose, and I don’t know whether I would move up or down the ladder
If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
A sea turtle
What is your most treasured possession?
My sanity (it is also my smallest possession…lol)
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Going to work every day doing something you take no pleasure in or feel no sense of accomplishment from.
Where would you like to live?
The moon or some other celestial body with no atmosphere
What is your favorite occupation?
Physicist or aerospace engineer
What is your most marked characteristic?
My cynicism
What are the qualities you most like in a man?
Intelligence
What are the qualities you most like in a woman?
Intelligence
What do you most value in your friends?
Tolerance
Who are your favorite writers?
Alastair Reynolds, Asimov, Mary Stewart, Marion Zimmer Bradley
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
It is a toss up between Conner Mcleod (Highlander) or Qui-Gon Jinn (Star Wars Ep I)
Who are your heroes in real life?
Neil Armstrong, Ferdinand Magellan, Albert Einstein, Richard Feynman
What are your favorite names?
Constance, Sarah, Conner
What is it that you most dislike?
Dishonesty
How would you like to die?
The truth? I would like to be in a spaceship, somewhere between the stars. When I know the time is right, I program the life support systems to slowly lower the temperature to just above freezing. That way I pass into sleep, and I am there for anyone to find in the future.
What is your motto?
I should have made a left turn in Albakerky
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Resurrection Spells for Sale
All of the geeks know it. Anyone who ever wanted to slip through a dimension door and live in a permanent Ren–Fest knows it. Last week Gary Gygax went to the great beyond. This death is ripe for the picking. I mean, just look at the title of this post. But along with all of the resurrection jokes and debating over which alignment and gods he followed, there is probably a group of people who a taking some pleasure at his passing.
Certain religious groups have been staunchly against the game of D&D and AD&D since they came on the market. Just like using Ouiji boards, it has been said that anyone who dares to roll the dice is actually opening the door and inviting Satan in. There is even a passage in the Bible, (don’t ask me where, but I have read it myself) that says you are not supposed to cast spells. So I guess that playing this “game” is about as close as you can come to breaking Gods laws.
Now, believe it or not, I have actually played this game. It’s true, I know you probably don’t believe me, but I used to enjoy weekly games of D&D with my friends. It started when I was in the Marines back in the 80s. After the money runs out and you can’t afford to go drinking on liberty anymore, a rip roaring game of D&D is just what the doctor ordered.
We would sit in the barracks on Okinawa and see what kind of trouble we could get into. The first character I ever rolled was a fighter of Nordic origin named Eric Broadaxe. (How’s that for creative?) This was before the Unearthed Arcana rules came out, so I rolled 3 6-sided dice 6 times to get my numbers. This guy came out with an 18/88 strength and an 18 intelligence. Unbelievable!!!
Sorry if I am losing any of the uninitiated.
Eric was quite the dude. Everyone wanted him to run in their dungeons. Twice the gods bestowed extra strength on him, so that his total became a 20. In my arrogance I began playing him with no armor. He could literally kill with a single strike of his 2 handed sword.
But alas, the good times always come to an end. He was punished for an act of murder and could no longer harm humans. No matter how hard he struck someone, they would feel nothing. (Dragons, you were still in grave danger)
Now…back to real life. I have never killed anyone. If I did, I would suffer a worse fate then not being able to harm another human being, (I am getting to old to be doing all of that bending over). And all of the dice I rolled, and all of the evil little critters I killed (on paper) never altered anyone’s life in any way, shape or form. So, am I evil? Have I been corrupted? Should I be held up as an example of what can go wrong if you start down this dark and dangerous path?
There was another group of Marines who did not join us for our weekend games. They would disappear from the barracks on Friday afternoon and show back up at formation on Monday morning. Married and single, they all had one thing in common. They all had a woman in town that they were seeing. Some even lived with these women on the weekends. It was kind of a rotational thing I believe. As one unit rotated out and another one rotated in, the women would hook up with new guy. The men got company and the women had someone to help pay bills and buy food.
The world is a strange place. We keep quiet about the doings of people in their private lives, and we raise hell about people playing a game that might match you against a demon. So what if you have to roll a few dice and caste a fireball spell to defeat your foe.
I never got laid playing D&D.
And that might be the biggest joke of all…lol
RIP Gary. And thanks.
-P
Certain religious groups have been staunchly against the game of D&D and AD&D since they came on the market. Just like using Ouiji boards, it has been said that anyone who dares to roll the dice is actually opening the door and inviting Satan in. There is even a passage in the Bible, (don’t ask me where, but I have read it myself) that says you are not supposed to cast spells. So I guess that playing this “game” is about as close as you can come to breaking Gods laws.
Now, believe it or not, I have actually played this game. It’s true, I know you probably don’t believe me, but I used to enjoy weekly games of D&D with my friends. It started when I was in the Marines back in the 80s. After the money runs out and you can’t afford to go drinking on liberty anymore, a rip roaring game of D&D is just what the doctor ordered.
We would sit in the barracks on Okinawa and see what kind of trouble we could get into. The first character I ever rolled was a fighter of Nordic origin named Eric Broadaxe. (How’s that for creative?) This was before the Unearthed Arcana rules came out, so I rolled 3 6-sided dice 6 times to get my numbers. This guy came out with an 18/88 strength and an 18 intelligence. Unbelievable!!!
Sorry if I am losing any of the uninitiated.
Eric was quite the dude. Everyone wanted him to run in their dungeons. Twice the gods bestowed extra strength on him, so that his total became a 20. In my arrogance I began playing him with no armor. He could literally kill with a single strike of his 2 handed sword.
But alas, the good times always come to an end. He was punished for an act of murder and could no longer harm humans. No matter how hard he struck someone, they would feel nothing. (Dragons, you were still in grave danger)
Now…back to real life. I have never killed anyone. If I did, I would suffer a worse fate then not being able to harm another human being, (I am getting to old to be doing all of that bending over). And all of the dice I rolled, and all of the evil little critters I killed (on paper) never altered anyone’s life in any way, shape or form. So, am I evil? Have I been corrupted? Should I be held up as an example of what can go wrong if you start down this dark and dangerous path?
There was another group of Marines who did not join us for our weekend games. They would disappear from the barracks on Friday afternoon and show back up at formation on Monday morning. Married and single, they all had one thing in common. They all had a woman in town that they were seeing. Some even lived with these women on the weekends. It was kind of a rotational thing I believe. As one unit rotated out and another one rotated in, the women would hook up with new guy. The men got company and the women had someone to help pay bills and buy food.
The world is a strange place. We keep quiet about the doings of people in their private lives, and we raise hell about people playing a game that might match you against a demon. So what if you have to roll a few dice and caste a fireball spell to defeat your foe.
I never got laid playing D&D.
And that might be the biggest joke of all…lol
RIP Gary. And thanks.
-P
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